Flying Solo
Multiplayer games have left me behind - and that's okay.
I am not quite sure when it first happened. I used to be a pretty regular online multiplayer participant, my peak being sometime between Halo 3 and Halo 4. I always had a thing for FPS games (again, thanks to Halo) - from there, I moved on to PC gaming, and started with Minecraft in 2010, eventually adopting Rust as my go-to game for most online experiences.
Rust is a... complicated game, with a lot of very unique social rules, but ultimately it proved to be exceptionally alluring to me as a 20 something with free time on my hands. As I grew in my career and life, it became obvious that Rust was not going to be my forever game. For one, it takes a lot of mental energy to play. It can be draining, especially during the emotional lows of the game (this is the only video game I have ever played where I experienced actual, heart-pounding panic and frustration), and because of that the game requires a lot of investment, both time and otherwise. Second to that, Rust is not a game that you can jump in and out of. If you are in, you are ALL IN. The sunk cost of investing 8 hours of play for a wipe and then dropping it before you see the week through is hard to ignore, and it means that you end up with some pretty boring and uninteresting sessions of play just to justify the remaining week. I know this isn't how it works for everyone, but its definitely how it worked for me.
The other driving factor in my multiplayer experiences is my friends and what they are playing. For years I had a dedicated group of friends that played the same games I did - Halo in high school, Minecraft in college, and Rust when I was starting my career. Those friends have all moved on to other games. Some are playing Destiny (which I despise for reasons I might someday cover here), others are playing whatever game is fashionable or free-to-play (which also fails to capture my attention most of the time), and some have simply moved to new time zones, which makes parallel play impossible.
Another thing. Multiplayer games have changed. I feel like I am being sold something, even when the game is free - this is something I have never felt with older games - and I don't like it. Newer multiplayer games feel like... Vegas, or Disneyland. Everything feels curated and designed - like they want to grab be and make me do something in a particular way. I can't shake the feeling that I am selling something myself. I don't like it and it's a big reason I have made this shift over the last decade.
Several of my friends and I have tried and failed to start a Minecraft Server for everyone to collectively contribute to - they cite a lack of time, or a lack of willingness to invest - and who can blame them? Time is hard to come by when balancing a career, kids, family, and the like. Regardless of the reasons, it has left me in an unfortunate position: Do I play multiplayer games solo? Or do I cease my multiplayer activities altogether?
I opted for the latter. I play single player games only now. I no longer play online, though sometimes I wish I did. I play open world games like Minecraft, games where I have many paths and options open to me - games where I define the time and manner spent playing. At first, it felt wrong, like I was wasting my time. Over time, however, I have come to really love it. I don't have to plan around other people, I can make my own destiny. If I start playing but feel like I'm already burned out within the hour, the only person I have to worry about is myself. It's also opening up new games and styles of play for me, which gives me time to think and spin my wheels on something other than work (which, i'm sure if you are reading this you know all too well takes up too much of our mental space when we are at home).
So yes, I'm done with online gaming. It's somewhat bittersweet, but probably for the best. I am back to the good old days of getting lost in a world on my own, like a good album, movie, or book.
"All that is not saved will be lost"